To be honest this was an ok poem.
Your ideas are good and they show atrong poetic ability, but I got lost in your lack of grammer.
Now I'm usually the peoson who comments on a poets lack of periods/commas, but with this type of poem I believe that it is needed.
I really like the short, simple, and to the point style that you put into your poem.
A lot of authors now-a-days (not just poets) tend to forget that writting is a way to share a message, you didn't forget.
Please don't take this comment too hard because in the end it doesn't matter if I love your poem or not. All that matters is that you love your poem.
Thank you for the read.
>~Spirit~>

Thank you, no I did not take it offensivee I am looking for things like that.. I wrote that when I was 14 im trying to get better with that though thank you very much