Sometimes I think to myself,
Maybe God was trying to punish me,
For not crying when my grandmother died,
I didnt cry because
I didnt feel it
I didn't.
I couldnt
I didnt know her well
I cant say I wasnt sad I was just shocked,
When I heard we were leaving I cried cause
I didnt want to leave Garrette,
The thought of being away from him for a week felt like years,
I felt it when we drove away that I wasnt going to see him again
I felt it and I told him
and all he said was im going to be here when you get back,
So when I got the news
I was just hoping
Praying that everyone was
wrong,
That maybe it was someone that looked like him,
He told me he would be here
I was just hoping it was some kind of joke
When I got home I walked in my room,
I thought he would be there sitting on my bed,
Smiling,
But he wasnt
I couldnt stop crying
I felt all the pain and
I felt like no one could heal it
That no one could make it go away and numb it
That night when I fell asleep I swear I hear him whisper my name
Maybe it was a lesson I don't know why
I felt like I was being punished
And since I didnt feel anything for her
It made me feel the pain by losing someone that mattered a lot
Ive never done anything wrong
And he didnt either
I think ive been through enough growing up
I needed a break..
But then I think it wasnt about me at all
