My Only True Goal

I sit here with unblinking eyes,
Trying to remember the past,
A race against the blackened veil,
I've always come in last.

Too young to remember, too old to forget,
A hint just won't refresh,
A scorn, a shout, a lifted hand,
A scream; but I digress.

Sheltered myself from the worst,
Yet no record of the best,
Held on to dreams and wishful thinking,
And suppressed all the rest.

Yet to understand the ramifications,
A heart pretending to be a whole,
To never subject this upon my loved ones,
My only true goal.