I Just Want To...

by Chris   Sep 3, 2010


I always made fun of people who talked about suicide
Thinking that was nothing short of cowardice
And then suddenly I find myself in that position
Wanting death to come knocking on my door
I wonder if I'm being lied to by the one I love
Maybe she's keeping secrets from me
Sometimes I feel like nothing but a dirty secret
Like the rest of the world can't know about me
It just makes me think thoughts I know I shouldn't
Sometimes now I just want to kill myself
Whether it be feeling a noose tighten around my throat
Maybe I'll let water fill my lungs to the brim
Maybe standing in front of a car will do the job
Or maybe if I use medication others have to take
Sometimes I just want to kill myself
But I feel like I have to control and restrain myself
Like scratching and clawing to get what I want
Like I have to earn, re-earn and re-earn it again and again
Sometimes I don't see anything other than death
As I'm lost in the darkness and see no light ahead

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Silent Girl

    I can really relate to this poem a lot i don't even like hearing the word suicide it's a scary word very emotional poem really deep and sad i can feel this poem a lot

  • 14 years ago

    by Rusheena

    Wow! I've been like that too but wow! I'm only shocked that you want to kill yourself b/c of another person. Whatever you do, she'll still be enjoying her life; I'm not saying do anything to hurt ANYONE. But there's a wonderful world out there that you will never see b/c you're blinded by darkness. I've walked through it and let it conquer me, and I have to say that it was the most horrible experience of my life (living in darkness) It's all a lie, and that anger and pain will never go away until you release it. There's bigger and better things out there, but you can't get them alone or at the rate that you're going. There is one who can pull you out of this mess for good and show what true light is. His name is Jesus Christ, and He's always ready to help anyone who's willing.

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