Comments : Have You Ever

  • 14 years ago

    by Sunshine

    What can I say ..i did nothing,

    it ur emotions..ur feelings..ur expressions and the changes i made has nothing to do with the amazing-ness of the real concept urself penned down.
    so much emotions and too many feelings..and am sure many will relate.

    u got it and KEEp writing
    looks forward to read more
    SOON
    so make sure to write

    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Have you ever had long lasting moments
    When with love you kiss him, as it rains
    Where everything click stops around you"
    ^I found myself having to stop several times because your opening lines were not flowing well for me. Did you mean... "When with the one you love...." It's almost as if you're missing important words; however extending the line will only the poem worse because of the lengthy lines. Maybe you could just say When you kiss him in the rain, When everything stops around you? The lines are cliche but I feel like that's what you're getting at. Maybe you could use freezes instead of stops? To describe how the world stop spinning, everything seems perfect because you're with that special someone.

    Sorry I couldn't begin to read, the words were not in the correct places, making the lines feel jumbled & the flow disrupted for me. If you want help with improving your poem, feel free to message me, I'd be glad to help.

  • 14 years ago

    by Ingrid

    As his voice ease[s] all your fears

    Well, I don't really know if I have:) :p

    Have you ever regret such moments
    realizing it's just a dream not to be
    although you prayed for god daily
    "please never allow him to leave me"

    ^^
    this part many will be able to relate to, I know I can..reminds me of my teenage years:)

    A good poem,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 14 years ago

    by H. Elizabeth

    This is great. I really like it! =D