Comments : Romance on a Horizon

  • 14 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Interesting format, MaryAnne!

    If we rest here
    home will collapse
    but we belong
    like extensions
    under sun�s wing.

    ^^ you need to repair that one word in the last line

    Beauty.

    Each crash
    against the shoreline
    is another declaration,
    absorbing deeply
    into our body.

    ^^
    Absorbed instead of absorbing?
    Taken by destiny
    we can sail as one,
    a travelling lighthouse
    restored with love.

    ^^
    this is my favorite part, when we truly love, we can overcome all:)

    well done,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 14 years ago

    by Jad

    This was creative and as already said had a nice format of which I haven't really seen before. The word choice and imagery that you have painted into your poem is exceedingly great. The emotions you have given in such few lines is really interesting and great.

    "Endless.

    The ocean dome
    is an echo,
    balancing beams
    from our soul."

    My favorite stanza in this poem. This was what I meant by creative as it gave a great metaphor and picture of what you are trying to get across. So once again good job and keep writing.