Coming Undone

Man! This is amazing! It may be sad, but it is so good.

I love the last 5 lines of this poem, they fit together perfectly, like a statement more than an actual ending. Writting about falling into flames gives me the impression that your struggling to hold onto life and its all slipping into an alternate hell. I think if you had added another line that had the words smoke and choking in it, would add to a powerful effect, though im not entirly sure thats where you were heading with this one, thats just what i make of it, the ending is good, strong. Would love if this was just a few more lines longer, to keep the flow going, but not added at the end, i would say added in the middle..for more substance. IBE