There is nothing wrong with this poem it is
full of feeling and symbolism. Though like Britt has written I have read many like this. The quick emotional release poems I call them. This though is well written yet there is so much missing that can be expanded on. I have read all your poems and the ones I enjoyed most were the ones you dug deeper, Remembering Mum and Then A Smile Opens were perhaps your best, in my opinion. So look to them for inspiration but go on writing what you feel as poetry is a release valve as well as an art and you can only get better at by reading, writing it and learning. 5/5 Ray S Hope this helps good luck.