Comments : Crumbling

  • 14 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Austin, does us good to vent when things are bothering us. If we don't, they remain inside and create havoc with our minds.

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This secure mindset I once lived in
    Has started to decay inside of me,
    ^These lines seemed strange to me - basically because of the 'I once lived in' & 'inside of me' conflicted with each other , to me they didn't make a whole lot of sense, almost as if they were opposites. You say you lived within this mindset, yet it decays inside you? I'm probably just over thinking it, but it doesn't sound right to me.

    Exposure to reality suffocates,
    Tempting to kill my very being,
    and yet I try with arduous effort
    ^I thought the first line was pretty well written, liked the usage of the word 'exposure' - I would remove 'and' don't think you really need it.

    Now laying in ruins so clutter
    ^Did you mean to say 'of' instead of 'so'?

    I thought the last stanza truly wrapped it all up, & was for me one of the stanzas that stood out the most. A rather okay write, I liked the words you used, they coincide with the overall mood of the poem.

  • 14 years ago

    by Ronald Edwards

    Jad,

    Excellent write ....... thanks for sharing

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    :[ Such a sad piece hun. *puppy huggles* I really liked this piece though. I felt you put a lot of emotion into, making it a veyr strong poem. Keep it up :] Nik

  • 14 years ago

    by KemistryKia

    I loveeeee it! awesome job!