You should never surrender, Nana.

The thing that makes people lose hope, is when they place the responsibility for their life in the hands of others. See your life as a ship, and you steering it..no one else should! Hit their hands with a basebal club when they try, I do;)

This poem leaves me so sad. I feel helpless, just as all other friends you have on here, hun. I can only offer you my wisdom, gained in the 45 years I have strolling this earth.

Never surrender, sweetheart....you are far to beautiful, both inside and out to let life shred you to pieces:(

I will point out some minor things and comment now:

To the one who finds joy
as my shuddering breath threatens
to be my last..
Although that I am not gone
Does my withered soul please you?
Shall I unmask the misery I live in
and tease you a bit too more?

^^
Who does this to you? What cruel being makes you write this?
>I always hold on..

Though I am

A lost ocean, opened and wide
leaping from one shore to another
Yet I never find a home

^^
This I recognize, the feeling of belonging nowhere.

A smothered spirit beating
in a bleeding heart

That pumps still..

A desert wasteland of brine and
of broken sand..
Where wind blows pieces of me away
from [one]second to another..
Drifting more of my lost dreams
that live still, though darkened by
demented shadows of schemes

^^
What I got out of this, is that someone is trying to mess with you life.."demented shadows of dreams" sounds eerie to me..

A lost soul holding life in[one] hand..
and love in [the] other
Yet losing both as they compound
duress upon fate

>I always held on..yet

To the one who finds joy
as my shuddering breath threatens
to be my last..
Although that I am not gone
Does my unbreakable soul tease you?
Or shall I unmask the misery living
inside of me and the misery I live in
Pleasing you a bit too more?

>Well; You win..

^^
That is a big no-no!

Best Regards
Me

I hope you are a strong as I always imagined you to be, sweet girl<3

Love you loadssssssssssssssssssssss!

5/5 Ingrid

To the one who finds joy
as my shuddering breath threatens
to be my last..
Although that I am not gone
Does my unbreakable soul tease you?
Or shall I unmask the misery living
inside of me and the misery I live in
Pleasing you a bit too more?

>Well; You win..

The one hard lesson is that no matter what
happens or however great misery is, one
should not let that take over. Misery just
makes one even more miserable! Strength
is within us...and whatever it is that is draining you, I hope you find/get the strength to fight it..take care.

Now that was intense and the reader can't turn from the page till each word has been read.
I have to agree with Ingrid. Never surrender :-) bring out the warrior in your self.

What can I say? It is another masterpiece of well delivered emotion
Great free flow

This is a raw, authentically deep,
and honestly moving piece of your Soul-voice
revealed....your word choices, and layout
are quite effective...

RE the ending:
the dark forces can ONLY "win" IF...
IF...there is a contest.....
no contests dear...only Adds fuel
to the fire of negativity....

A great and ancient Chinese book of wisdom,
the 'I Ching', says:
"The best way to fight evil is
to make energetic progress in the good.."

There IS So Much More to be discovered...
Stay Alert, Stay Interested, and......
STRIVE ON! I say...
Strive on....'-)

WOOOOOOW! NANNNNA! this was crazy. I love how you took the first stanza and just changed the words around, bringing a completely new tone into the piece. This was so amazingly crafted, and an amazing write! I think your one liners really do help to create the effect and set the mood. GREAT WRITE!!!!