Comments : Sands Of Time

  • 14 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Ben this shouldnt be under love poetry..i knw the concept is related but its more like a life..or sad piece

    I love ut 1st 3 opening lines..and they dnt sound happy at all for me..indeed catchy
    but saying
    Meaning lack..sounds forced

    Growing old
    Thinking back
    Memories haunt
    Meaning lack

    People come
    People go
    Time continues
    Unstoppable flow
    ^^^very true...this stanza stands all 2gather stronger than the one b4..despite being credible..nice!

    The sands of time
    ^^i love love this..sands of time?
    realy hits the nail on the head
    Fade away
    ??this doesn't fit a lot :/
    and u need a gerund..not a present
    continues verb ...like maybe slipping away?
    donu :)
    Leaving me
    Counting my days
    ^^^this is verYyyyyyyy sad..counting ur days..i found this perfect..regarding the usage of the word sands b4.. donu there is a profound relation..

    Hourglass keeps
    Reminding me
    Time is running out
    Clouded memory
    ^^again..this was smart..hourglass..and sands b4...i find this a very smart and well written stanza ...But if u and periods or comas the meaning would make more sense

    The sands of time
    Dictate my life
    Pressure of marriage
    Finding my wife
    ^^^
    oh wow..i so looovee this..its as if u drew now a concept for us..for me personally I take it as if...time is runing out of ur hand..and ur still looking for the one to be with . AND

    Fighting my fate
    I've learned to fear
    Being alone
    When the sand has cleared
    ^^^wen i read this..which is REALLY uur best stanza...that is worded DEEPLY and perfectly...I felt like the fear of ending up alone is knocking on ur doors..as more time passes u by..

    >>Indeed you have a touchy piece here, i love it..id only think its better if u take the suggestions into consideration.but again its ur poem..
    Well done..5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Another write where you have conveyed the feelings that many people have during their lives. Well done.

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Lol when you left your comment I was like what is he talking about but now I know. This was agood piece Benny :] you kept it simple and I like that. Keep it up dear. Nik

  • 14 years ago

    by NightFlyer

    A nice poetic reminder of the passing of time and its pressure, can really relate to this poem right now, the relentless pressure to find a mate....

  • 14 years ago

    by White Orchid

    LOVED this!! I completely understand how time can just slip away from us. And one of my biggest fears is being alone, so the last stanza really hit home to me! Very emotional and very well written, I can relate and I loved every single line in this poem. It was brilliance!! As most of your stuff is. :)