My Notebook

If i never
opened my notebook
would you even ponder my curves?
would you lick the spirals
to not only examine the holes
but to taste the lines. . .
if i never
opened my notebook
would you even think of my pages?
would you be careful of the edges
not only because the paper cuts
but because you know love is not enough. . .
if i never
opened my notebook
would you just accept my title?
i mean would you accept just the name
put on me by others, instead of my own perspective
since the bar code is on the rest of the notebooks
same lines
different numbers
yet duplicate scanners
would you still think
to purchase me
save me
from the shelf of society
if i never
opened my notebook
let you discover what
my very unique
disguised
leaving you surprised
and sometimes at a loss of words
inside cover looks like
how I'm not as blank
as many may think
how i have more to say
than a little bit
how i like you more than
a lil bit
but I'm scared,
so very scared and scarred
bruised and unkind
mostly I'm blind
but many say duh
thinking this of my glasses that fold my eyes
but i mean I'm blind
blind to who i can trust
who i can love
whats really acceptable
and whats just a little too much
if i never
opened my notebook
let you write your signature
where few have written
but you may not have known
that this notebook is hardly visited
maybe the reason for this is my silence
i let gossip and bullshit envy
carry the stories of whom I'm to be
who they say i is
but no one ever took the time
to hear the tock after my tick
to feel my pages
to hear my lines
to hear my empty lines
and fill my index
i mean if i had not opened my notebook
meshing your pen with my paper
me not only getting some of you
but you getting all of me
i mean what if i hadn't opened my notebook. . .

-dedicated to the notebook keepers, you don't have to say yes-