I have to admit these were my best 2 lines :

I cried and sunk to my feet,
No longer feeling my heartbeat.

^^I just love these more than the other.. because they did not sound forced.

your pain and heartache is pretty crystal clear; but you forced the rhyme when you didn't have to. sometimes when u leave it unforced it touches the readers deeper especially when it gives a clearer message.

O MY God this poem is a full of pain... the pain reflects in your every word..... such a sad poem..5/5

This was very vivid and the pain you felt is clear and obvious here. But it does seem a little forced to rhyme in my opinion, which hinders it from becoming a very good poem. But the emotion couldnt be more clear and strong!