Lost & Found

I awoke to a 6 AM bell,
The draft in my room making me cold and numb;
Or was that me?

Curling into my body, I will myself to move.

I take a shower;
Scolding hot,
To think,
To feel something.

The water hits my skin and in an instant
Everything comes rushing to-wards me;
All my thoughts,
Feelings,
Opinions.

And I think to myself It's easier being numb.

I turn off the water,
Step out of the shower,
And for the first time look at myself in the mirror.

All I see is ugly.

As I begin painting my face to hide my tired eyes,
My mind begins to wonder.

When was it that I forgot who I was,
And became someone I am not?

I used to be content with myself,
Now I will do anything to be someone else.

When was it I started compromising my morals
Just to fit in and be like everybody else?

When did I come to lose myself?
And how can I find my way back to who I was?

Who I want to be.

But I do not even know who that person is anymore.

Lately,
Failure has been my number one success,
And I?
My number one enemy.

I used to think I was a weed amongst flowers,
Now I realize I was a rose amongst weeds.

Rare and beautiful.

Now I am just a weed,
A copy,
Just like the rest of them.

I donnot know how it was I became so lost,
So desperate for their approval.

And as I gaze at myself in the mirror,
I wash the make up away;
I will find myself again,
And I will start by being myself today.

Amongst weeds I will blossom,
A more radiant and more beautiful rose then before.

Being numb is easy,

I don't want to be that way anymore