Do You Remember Me, Daddy?

Remembering all the times I ran
Away from your knowing gaze.
Knowing that you're watching me,
Fumble through this horrible maze.

And, then, when you began
To turn your head away,
I began to close up inside
As I continued to hurt everyday.

And now, here we are,
Almost a year has passed.
And you still won't come home.
As the pain lasts and lasts.

I thought that you knew better,
That you had become wise.
but now as I look back through the years,
I find it was all just a stupid lie.

One that I continuously fed
To my messed up mind.
What did you expect from a young child?
What did you want me to find?

Momma's heart is breaking,
Brother is getting distant,
The baby's growing up so fast,
Your Nephew, a miracle, at that.

You just up and left us,
Right before Christmas day.
What did you expect me to do?
Smile it all away?

Daddy dearest, I'm beginning to realize,
That I miss you as much as I hate.
Because I know this was a choice of your's.
You forced the hands of fate.

And still, you're far away.
No matter what I do or what I say.
So when I tell you I want you to come home,
You yell saying you can't come at any cost anyway.

And Sometimes when you call,
You don't even want to talk to me.
How can I keep up these fake smiles
When the tears leak for everyone to see?

I miss you Daddy,
Even though I promised I wouldn't.
But that's a promise that I can't keep.
This one promise- I couldn't.

Days, Weeks, Months.
Still no word from you at all.
As I begin to revert back
To the girl no one bothered to call.

The little scared girl
Who constantly scarred her wrists.
Letting the blood trickle down,
Calming, soothing and causing pure bliss.

She is still here, as much as I wish she wasn't.
The razorblades are still here, even though they want them gone.
But how can I get rid of them, when they're one of the only things I've got left?
If they're the only friends I know I can trust to understand one cut by one.

And yet even then,
You turned your head away.
From the truth, you coward,
From everybody in every way.

So look into the mirror,
My reflection no longer exists
Except when I stand there,
Blood trickling down my wrists.

I'm no longer in the mirror,
Just like I'm no longer in your memory.
So here I sit, wondering everyday.
Do you remember me, Daddy?

(c) Briana Faria on Friday, November 27, 2009 at 4:11pm