Abandons Me

I cannot help but to feel so lost
so worthless
the worthlessness tossed
tossed my happiness out the door
for more
i need more
than this
i wish i could describe this pain
that holds my days
in its hands
the hands so firm
so rough
they hurt
my throat
like the rope
which i guide
towards me
and maybe
i will be free
from my misery
since the love i cared for 
and dreaded for
left me dead
maybe only in my head
but my head pounds
with such anxiety and stress
maybe im depressed
but who cares
they stare
and i feel their eyes
and with no surprise
they turn away
another girl
another day
thats what theyd say
the girl has no honor
even ask her father
who held a hand to her
planned since her birth
thatd she be worthless
hopeless
dont you notice
all she asks for 
is forgiveness
from you
from him
she can never win
so i read my story
and all its glory
with my pain inside
where it hides
all i wanted was your pride
but now
i slowly die
no one by my side
even my own shadow abandons me
as i slowly die.