You wouldn't believe how much this poem is speaking to me. It's amazing. This is an excellent piece. I love the wording you used and expecially the ending. Brilliant write Yaki. Amazing. 5/5

Danika
--xx--

I love the direct narrative tone of your poem.
You had some really touching lines, some normal expression yet then some very deep ones.

so it flipped from simple to deep, from direct to thoughtful
which overall I really loved .
the ending lines had a gd impact over me.

Loved your work!
5/5a poem many will relate to

Yaki,

You know what, I loved this poem. I think it had such a sweet and innocent meaning behind it at the start and it was filled with such strength towards the end. With a little work it would be my favorite by you.

The emotion was indeed raw, it evoked a lot within me I must say. I have some constructive critism though just to help you a long, it's upto you if it helps you or not. Hopefully you can find use of it.

"For you,I changed
Lovely cold nights
For hot sunny days,"

I loved the concept within these lines, but the way it is written at the moment isn't correct. It should be

"For you, I changed
Lovely cold nights
TO hot sunny days,"

This way it is written correctly and helps the flow.

"Loving you,was more important."

I don't think you need the (,) inbetween you and was as it creates a not needed pause.

"I gave you,
Things I didn't own"

Again you don't need the (,) it creates a not needed pause.

"Searching,twisting around,"

This should be:

"Searching, twisting around,"

See having the space between the (,) and twisting creates a neater look to the poem and doesn't make the reader distracted by the error.

"Discovering,
Ways,"

Again you don't need the (,) after both discovering and ways

"To show u."

You don't need the (.) after "u" and while I just noticed it you used the slang of "u" in this poem, and it's such a beautiful poem! If I was you I would change it to "You" as slang can cause such an elegant poem to look horrible.

"You didn't understood"

Understood needs to be understand for it to be correct.

"Ofcourse" should be of course

"u were so sure"

Again change the slang.

If you change these things Yaki, remove capitals where they arn't needed then this poem would be a gem. You have created so much emotion for me, and trust me that is hard to do.

"That I saw succes in failure"

That line there is so beautiful, It gives me much hope and I'm sure many who read that will also say the same. This poem is so bitter sweet, and I felt as though I could relate to it in depth.

Great work Yaki on writing a touching and inspirational poem. I love your strength.

-Mel.