Was it?

by Yakari Gabriel   Nov 16, 2010


Was it a mistake?
That creeped upon me
Like dust on a wall
At night,

Was it an obstacle?
that knocked me down
Like hurricane wind
With all its force

Was it the eyes?
That followed me
Like the moon,
Each step of my way..

Was it a Heart?
That full of hatred
Locked doors of dreams and hopes.

No,
It was you..

For your lies
Penetrated my soul
Like a bullet through the lungs

and I...

-No longer breathe-

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    Awesome poem. :]

    I love poems like this. It seems like it was just written leisurely just to blow off some steam. It's not a complicated poem that you have to stare at for hours to understand. It's just an enjoyable read. And it flows sooo well. Like the words just fell off my tongue. Great job!

    Cayce

  • 14 years ago

    by chind

    Lovely piece. I really like the way you approached this piece, its different and was interesting to read. You took an idea that usually would be pretty boring, dull, and over read and turned it into something quite original and fabulous. Great write!

  • 14 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    Very nice Yaki!

    "Like a bullet through the lungs"

    This is my favorite line. For me it just captures something, you get a great visual, collapsing lung, unable to breath, shock. I think too many of us have had something or someone in life, deflate us like that.

    You've done a great job here Yak, nice work.

  • 14 years ago

    by Sunshine

    I love it..I love it ALL.
    not one idea seemed off..
    noe one lines seemed out of topic..
    the wording is just perfect and deep.
    I was a really SAD read, I suggest it to be under sad rather than life..
    it had a very strong impact.
    (amazing ending)!!

    the style I love as well :).
    strong opening and already said what I think about the ending so

    5/555555555555555555555
    GO GO GO YAKI

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