I love it..I love it ALL.
not one idea seemed off..
noe one lines seemed out of topic..
the wording is just perfect and deep.
I was a really SAD read, I suggest it to be under sad rather than life..
it had a very strong impact.
(amazing ending)!!

the style I love as well :).
strong opening and already said what I think about the ending so

5/555555555555555555555
GO GO GO YAKI

Very nice Yaki!

"Like a bullet through the lungs"

This is my favorite line. For me it just captures something, you get a great visual, collapsing lung, unable to breath, shock. I think too many of us have had something or someone in life, deflate us like that.

You've done a great job here Yak, nice work.

Lovely piece. I really like the way you approached this piece, its different and was interesting to read. You took an idea that usually would be pretty boring, dull, and over read and turned it into something quite original and fabulous. Great write!

Awesome poem. :]

I love poems like this. It seems like it was just written leisurely just to blow off some steam. It's not a complicated poem that you have to stare at for hours to understand. It's just an enjoyable read. And it flows sooo well. Like the words just fell off my tongue. Great job!

Cayce