Hollow Thoughts

It would be such a sweet embrace
No more struggle, false freedoms
No more scarring, seeping wounds
Rest would finally come

*I think this was a very simple but powerful way to open this poem up. I like the two lines in the middle and how they are similar. I wouldn't change a thing there*

Tired eyes no longer propped open
By the sheer force of tears that fall
Sleep would promise forever
Those words would be no empty echo

*I like this stanza but the last line just doesn't fit with me well. I understand what you're saying but it seems a bit forced to me. I would change it to "those words wouldn't be an empty echo" that way you keep the same meaning just in a different way*

A heart would no longer break with every beat
Stillness would envelope it
Silence in the womb of life
Mind, body and soul, a cold slate

*This part made me sad :( no one ever likes to think about heart break or death and you put both in such simple words here. It hurts but that's life and that's how this stanza makes me see it.*

Death is an easy answer to chaos
A million ways to die, a million more to live
In the end
Even that decision comes easily

*I liked how you ended it. Relates a lot to the stanza before it. Very powerful poem dear :] I quite enjoyed reading it. Keep it up. Nik*

Jenn

"Death is an easy answer to chaos"

That line there is bitter sweet. It placed you within the poem. The word 'Chaos' instantly reminds me of you because of your name, and while this might not have been your intention it was like saying 'death would be an easy answer to you' I felt like it was an interesting play on words.

The emotion was indeed deep within this poem, I felt as though it was somewhat like a diary, your mind conversing with your heart, your thoughts on life and death, the fact that death is an answer but it is too easy, like you don't like to take the easy way out.

This poem was simple, simple in the way that the wording wasn't extravogant but I liked that it wasn't, I liked that it read more like every day thoughts, it added to the emotion. I felt this poem had a twist to it, when I was reading it the first time it seemed all about death in a depressing manor, but I read it again and again and saw inspiration in the lines, strength.

The only suggestion I could make is the fact that the second stanza doesn't use any punctuation and you did use it in the rest of the poem. I think if you used it in different ways and paused in different parts of the poem it would allow for that more dramtic effect that would pour emotion over the reader. Obviously this isn't needed, just a quick suggestion.

Interesting read, it has me thinking
-Mel

An interesting write in my opinion. I like where you have taken this, its very though provoking indeed. "Death is an easy answer to chaos" - this line here just got my mind working so hard. I Like a poem that makes me work! Good work!