The Girl Now Woman

Looking backs I see a child.
A girl gripped by fear and anger,
With added bitter desperation.

Confused and lost by the changing chaos,
The girl saw blood as her only salvation.
Believing with her weakened heart that this was her key to survival.

It all became a sick routine.
As she grew so did her illness.
So she hid herself in lies and denial.

The girl felt suffocated, isolated and broken.
Seeing no escape she turned inwards,
Avoiding all those who wished to heal her.

Through time and pain the girl grew cold.
She froze her heart and buried her soul,
Protecting herself the only way she knew how.

The fear and pain was overwhelmed by dark rage within,
Pushed from herself and onto the Man who started it all.
Hate corrupted her young being.

We will never know if he truly loved her,
She never felt it, or saw a sign.
Childhood memories were coloured with lies.

All she felt was his disappointment,
The pressure upon her to fit a mould that will always be too small.
Thinking this was her fault, that she was wrong,
The girl was backwards and lost.

As her body and mind grew up,
Somewhere in the madness she learned from her mistakes.
And learned to stand on her own two feet.

She still remembers the pain, the darkness,
And flinches at the memory of her own blood.
She remembers the consuming anger that followed,
And the sadness at the thought of her failure.

And now sees that in the darkness,
And with the anger,
She was poisoning herself.

Fueled by outsiders the chaos grew,
But is now left far behind.

She understands that the truth will never be known.
That the Man might love her,
He might not.
In his eyes he was right,
And maybe the pressure to conform was his way of leading.

He might not know her,
Understand her,
Or see the blossoming flower she has become,
But she no longer cares.

Once saddened by her life and angered by his absence,
She is now content.

Her life is not shaped by others but under her own control.
No more pain, fear or anger.
No more blood.

She forgives those who struck at her,
She holds her own power,
And controls her own fate.

The girl has become a Woman.