It's obvious you write from your feelings or emotions at the moment of impact. Try thinking about what you are writing, not just emotionally but logically, with out cliche's . Be original, I think you have the talent, let it loose but take your time :-)

Hi TJ respect to your comments
mate i understand what your
trying to tell this person, but
sorry theres always a but,lol

I think this girl should let it flow
writings either a job or a passion
and you cannot control passion
and raw feelings and emotion
so write like the ink in the pens
oxygen and its your dying breath...Paul x

I know exactly how this feels.
it hurts SO bad.
love this poem tho,
emotion just pours out
5/5

Your emotional outlet in this poem is great. I can kinda agree with TJ, just put some rythum to your work and it would definately flourish. This is very nice though. Keep it up.