Dear Dad...

Dear Dad,

Almost four years now since we last spoke,
Since you took your final breath,
And still I feel so empty
'Cause I haven't truly wept.

You were my heart, my everything,
And now I'm left so cold,
All I know is sadness - grief -
I have noone to hold.

Before my eyes I saw you pass,
All I could do was scream
Your name until my throat was raw,
I hoped it was a dream.

I felt alone and blamed myself,
What else could I do?
I'd lost all reason to carry on,
And so I just withdrew.

Like a tortoise into it's shell,
I found a degree of peace,
Until emotions surfaced,
And I needed some release.

I screamed, I shouted,
Passing my boiling point,
I wept until the tears ran dry,
Until I could disjoint

Myself and thus return
To the shadows deep within,
Submerged back in my solitude,
The only way I could win.

Life will never be the same,
For it is tainted with such pain.