Leaves whirl around my feet,
as if letting me know,
that things between me and life are fine,
little shreds of memories,
they whirl around me,
as if telling me to move on,
to make new memories,
to strive on,
to live the way I did,
when I was not my own enemy,
when I was not alone,
and without shame,
but I have learned from this mistake,
the mistake of letting you know,
the truth about my life,
after you showed me,
that I could never trust anyone ever again,
I wept for hours on end,
till I could not stop,
when I did,
I was not able to weep again,
I cried myself dry,
after you told everyone all my inner desires,
I knew,
that you were not supposed to know,
that I was supposed to keep them hidden,
but like I have done so many times before,
I ran,
till my ankles seemed to be bleeding,
my ambition,
the thrive to move on,
was cut,
like a careless child's yo-yo,
I lay there face down on the ground,
like a helpless infant,
crying for someone's attention,
and like a child of 3,
I try to crawl,
make my way out of this deep anxiety to be alone,
I want someone there,
to help me through the good and bad times,
to lift me up when I was kicked down,
life is short,
but I will live long,
I need not be afraid of myself,
the only reason we yearn to be alone,
is because we are stubborn,
and cautious of the ones around us,
we don't need to let everyone know,
that we,
like so many before us,
are afraid of the future,
and want to be alone,
and want to get away,
we just need time to heal,
from the wounds of deception,
and the cuts and bruises of lies,
as I feel my way on this wood plank of memories,
I feel the nails of regret and the splinters of sorrow,
then like a artist,
I get to the main part of my piece,
like Monet,
my vision is alive,
with brilliant colors and hues,
lightly scattered in the waters reflection,
then it's a blur,
and once again i am in a dark room with hard floors,
and everything is calm,
and like the child inside my heart,
that I once knew,
I try to walk,
one foot,
then the next,
I am able to move three inches,
before I stumble to the ground,
and gasp for air,
like a woman that is sick with grief,
I bellow loud enough so anyone within four miles,
can here,
and know that everything has gone wrong,
I get up and look at the sunset out the window,
and fall asleep,
knowing that I may never leave,
never be able to move from this prison called reality.
