Your lines about Hector create an image in my mind of him stumbling down the halls, bloody, dying, ruined. It makes my eyes water. Hector was my favorite in the movie Troy and I cry really hard every time he dies...
Heroes and ancient Greek/Roman history are my favorite. Mythology... Theology... FAVORITE. Truly.
This poem is pretty much ace and flawless. I could read it over and over and pull more from it each time. The agony of Helen and Penelope is awesomely expressed.
Original stuff, Sibs. But that's unoriginal for you :P Stop being so original! Argh!
I like the new layout with more line breaks. It's more your style.

6000 years of war....ALL of recorded history..
and still.....No Peace...perhaps that is a clue?

This poem is utterly awesome and DEEPLY meaningful as regards true revulsion to war which,
in my experience, begins with cognizing this gender madness, with the children factor quickly comprehended, and then, all is soon quilted over with a multi-dimensional view of endless suffering, followed inexorably by a great shift in consciousness which moves profoundly toward actively working, from the inside out and forevermore, toward Peace..

"And on earth, Peace to men of Good Will.."
(the actual translation of the originally transcribed Aramaic)

How truly fitting to post this in this Advent season...
and, of course, in these times altogether..

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

And so..because you asked, here are my suggestions:
lines altered to my way of seeing....
semi-colons are generally underused, and yet so very valuable for clarity and rhythm..
ahem...'-)...:

Their ghosts flit about,
still scrubbing the wretched blood of their lovers
off the flagstones;
it leaves stains like spilled wine.

Unsung, these moments catch at the bottom of my tongue
and I swallow them whole;
in me, they will grow swollen and die.

And when I lie still forever, they'll seep into the ground
and sprout into a tree,
branched with the bitterest of olives.

ps...While your last stanza is an understandable segue, and full of, as they say, 'points well-taken',
I actually do not think we "lie still forever" but that we Spiritually regroup for quite a time and then,
return to earth to continue in our, and it's, evolution.....
just sayin'

Happy Holy Days, Dear..
Strive On...

I just reread this, and I now get
what you are doing with those definitive periods...
I was wrong....
about the semi-colons
for the tone you are delivering...
ooops...

Think I'll just go back to
philosophical comments...chuckle...'-)

Oh man. This is good. By "good", I obviously mean some other word that is not encompassed by "good". I actually have your original poem open in another window. Let me compare.

On the whole, I like this one better, I think. What I miss about it are some of the long lines that felt more..."epic-like". That kept running and then they were followed by a poignant little ending on a separate line. It was so effective, especially in the original first stanza.

I think your first two stanzas here should be joined somehow, in a run-on fashion. Then a new stanza introducing the new tone of the feminine awareness of Calliope.
I liked "break like waves against the palisade" in one line together.
I didn't notice any excessive use of commas here.
I liked the way you broke up the rest.
I liked the way you did your hair today.

Great poem. Excellent idea, and the flow and spot on.

Few suggestions

Perhaps don't repeat the "I see" opener on so many stanzas...and also..this stanza

I see a dozen maids hanging out like laundry
for the vengeance of one man.
Their ghosts flit about,
still scrubbing the wretched blood of their lovers
off the flagstones.
It leaves stains like spilled wine.

doesn't fit with the others, perhaps it's a syllable count gone wrong, or perhaps you intentionally wanted a break to the flow, but it feels akward to me.

/wink

Amazing

You sing from the heart, knowing light and sorrow lies before our paths, in hope and in death, you are the storm and the watcher; still you remain the same.