Ha to the above:
Your last three lines were my favourite. Atoms are divine.

Nice write, naturally...but it seems somehow more stifled than your usual style. It seemed to long to be read smoothly, but kept getting stopped and fragmented. Can't explain it. Oh, that's it! Filler words! There aren't enough here. Not for me.

Beautiful imagery and a heart-gulping portrayal, nonetheless.

I actually just stumbled across this in an old thread. It's from when we did a contest with RTVW. The rule was it had to be formed verse (I think about love?). Mine was a series of tankas, that I did wrong, and Jordan made fun of me.

So it's old, but unposted.

Hi.
Thank you for you comment. I haven't written in a while so getting back into it feels good.

This poems takes me to a deeper place. It's very interesting. I read it over a few times. I definitely love the second verse the most

a summer sacrificial
flush and fat with juice-
far from you I lie fallow;
ghosts seep under skin,
settle in my bones and haunt.

I like the ghost metaphor a lot. It's simple but powerful.
Something about this poems makes me want to read it over and over again.
Great work.

Hi.
Thank you for you comment. I haven't written in a while so getting back into it feels good.

This poems takes me to a deeper place. It's very interesting. I read it over a few times. I definitely love the second verse the most

a summer sacrificial
flush and fat with juice-
far from you I lie fallow;
ghosts seep under skin,
settle in my bones and haunt.

I like the ghost metaphor a lot. It's simple but powerful.
Something about this poems makes me want to read it over and over again.
Great work.

Woohoo......