Fate; In The Form Of A Man

This poem was actually really good. I thought when I first saw it(in the tournament) that it wasn't all that great but upon further inspection I see that it is really good. the message of this poem was nice and I think the entire piece flowed nicely from line to line and you did a wonderful job getting out the images and ideas you wanted in this piece. I was almost unable to decide, which line I liked the most but...

"So I Sneaked around the dreary mornings,
painted with unrelenting rain
breathing the foggy cold air,
of dim sighing moments.."

I found one! :] It took me long deliberation and finally I got to this stanza, which I came to most. The description in this piece was really great and also the sadness etched in this lines were overpowering and full of other emotions as well. You have a wise choice of words and I found it very colorful.

All in all, I found this to be an incredible poem for the tournament and I believe you did a great job. Many descriptions and emotions turned this poem into a beautiful picture. Great job and keep writing.

"yet I will rewrite my future, as I recall my past"

again and again Dear girl...
and better and better each time
till the Evolution of Your Soul is
Clearly in your own hands..

A beautiful, seriously meaningful, write..
and, a Pleasure to read..

Precociously; I have approached
unsecured gates of a darker world

-He stood right beneath;
curving ahead of me long paths
planted with endless pain; on one side.
Leaving another path un-curved,

-for my ultimate imagination..

^^
To always see that one path yet to be taken is essential, it is what keeps a person going!
I like un-curved, because it makes clear you are aware of the fact that you can shape your own future.

So I Sneaked around the dreary mornings,
painted with unrelenting rain
breathing the foggy cold air,
of dim sighing moments..

^^
This is a very, very sad image of you:( Good wording, though, in all its sadness.

Looking inward seeking more images
to be revealed
I glimpsed edges and corners falling
washing away every bit of beauty.
Unpleasant paths, dull as tarnished mirrors.

^^
I hope that you will take that one path that is worthy of someone as young and beautiful as you;)

Seeking the likes of me;
who fear what tomorrow might be holding
upon the arms of future.
Anything is everything, yet everything may be nothing.
Unless I step aside the frame of life

^^
step outside?

I hope you will have everything.

Controlled by the mishandled lies of life
yet I will rewrite my future, as I recall my past.
Recoloring the nothingness that's shaping my life

^^
Re-shape it, with all your power, hun. Time is soooo precious, if only you knew how quickly life is over!

For fate stood again beneath me
in the form of a man

^^
Why BENEATH you, why not in front of you?

curving ahead of me long paths
planted with endless pain; on one side.
Leaving another path un-curved,

-for my ultimate imagination..

^^
I hope you will go on to that one path and stay on forever:)

Well done hun,

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid