Solstice

by sibyllene   Dec 23, 2010


Four women in a school thick with children
chat over their ripening stomachs about
morning sickness, epidurals, pacifiers,
bumping bellies in the break room
over leftovers.

Twins are born,
pink and big and robust.
Then a little girl
with lips like a doll's,
and the mother
pale and beaming.
Two down, two to go.

On the longest night of the year,
in that length of dark that overwhelms the day
a baby is found still,
too still, and far too quiet.

The news is delivered
to a library of faces shut like books.
"Give each other a hug and try to get through the day."

It will have to be born, still.
The mother will push
and wail, and
it will not cry, it will not wriggle,
it will not breathe.

At home there's a crib sitting
soft and empty.
There's formula that will spoil, and
Christmas gifts of
the tiniest unworn shoes.

Yesterday only we sat
laughing about the ignorance of her husband
who had never held a baby in his life.
"Oh, what he's in for!"
She was sturdy and bright, and
while she laughed
her belly held a pocket of quiet.

I worry it over and over in my mind,
prodding and rubbing until the soreness loses its ache
and fades, leaves bruises of frowns at the edges
of our mouths.
We touch shoulders in the hallway.
We stand up. All of us
but one
will move on.

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Nikala

    This is just so amazing. It hit a nerve in me. Brought up old memories that I try to keep in the past. Beautifully done.

  • 13 years ago

    by silvershoes

    I want to add: The part about the husband having never held a baby before got to me big time. You made your poem a thousand times more personal by adding in that little touch. It emphasized how light-hearted and merry they were about their little creation coming into the world, and how all that happiness was obliterated in a moment. Obliterated and may never fully be regained.
    I can't imagine.

  • 13 years ago

    by silvershoes

    Oh, this is so terribly sad, Sib. Not what I had in mind based on the title - was thinking something wintry and seasonal. I guess this is wintry and seasonal in an abstract way. I can't imagine the heartbreak of losing a baby. Losing a kid at all is a horrible thing that should never happen, but losing a baby before you've even had a chance to hold him or her... god, it makes me feel sick.
    This is beautifully penned, as all your pieces are. I wish there weren't such tragic things to write about.

  • 13 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    I read this about 5 times and can not get over it it is just so beautifuly done and so sincere...its just... I'm speechless and It did make me cry! Oh god.. Just keep it up.. With the power invested in me,I now pronounced my self a fan of yours.

  • 13 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Sibyllene,

    I have read this several times now and find it hard to comment on something this personal.

    Life can be an absolute hell at times and to know it goes on as if nothing has happened for the rest of the people around you is even harder. This is so sad, and in my country it is a problem that keeps getting bigger, although we are one of the richest in the world..lots of babies die around birth..and it really is one of the cruelest things a person had to endure, that ,and outliving them lateron in life.

    Well done on expressing one of the most painful emotions known to men.

    5/5 Ingrid

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