It's not a choice

I'm a sociopath,
crazier than Sylvia Plath.
I've gone insane,
inside my brain,
like a switch flipped
my illnesses are growing
building, but now I've tipped
over
like a tower
I'm collapsing
falling,
down
down
down
I've died,
inside,
my mind
I've lied
I'm not alright
no matter how many times
I've tried
to convince you
otherwise
my mind has gone
to the other side
why don't you realize?
I've changed for the worse
on the inside
it's not a phase
it's not a choice
I'm not just sad
do you hear this voice?
or block it out?
just like you always do?
i guess I'd do the same
if i were you.
I'm depressed,
can't you see it?
Can't catch my breath...
...
...
...
Now I blew it.
Just like usual,
I took the good and
threw it
out the window,
into the storm
no more fairytales
no happy endings
my mind's clouded
shrouded with pain
sadness in rain
anger in flames
I really am insane.
You don't see it
Said i can't be it
But I can't deny it
anymore
can't hide behind
this door
built of lies
from all the times I've cried
and you didn't care,
ignored it
Ignore this!
I'm NOT perfect,
I never will be.
I'll never be what you need.
I can't pretend another day
not that it matters anyway
I'll be gone by the time you read this.