Oh Lord !
I love the poem.
I love you actually
L-o-L.

no but to talk about the mood? this poem is HEART breaking !!
I felt the passion you hold within each single words that you wrote, which brings a question to the mind of the reader :
HOw hard is it to even know, the things you do...about a love you want (so distant).

Painful.
sounds pretty real..of that I can't b sure yet.

There was a time
when emotions were linked
with mutuality,
^^I love this, although for an opening line you can make something much more stronger than that ? but perhaps you are trying to get things off your chest and not focusing on that...but I did get the amazing contrast of this and the feelings after it..

like( mutuality) reflects that the characters in the poems shared the same feelings before
..yet

now gravity seems to be
the only thing
pulling you my way
^^^
this part which is strongly thought of, shows how one part if pulling away..and the only thing that's keeping that part close a little is the FACT of gravity.

wow..nice!

yet its force is
weak, for it speaks
of discomfort
as you wish not to be loved -
^^^

amazing emotions over here; but you should reword it better.
sounds so true..this poem is heart breaking..things many people WILL relate to !
i love how the reader can see that it's almost being a one sided love or something ? or a change that is hitting the relation in its brains! Paralyzing ..a particular part.

almost as if you're
claustrophobic -
clashing with my invitation
of wanting to know you.

^^^PERFECT. very strong, amazing wording..
i love it..sounds very true
Credible-with endless passion..

if gravitation, my last hope,
can't keep a friendship
from falling apart,

^^I can feel a heart being wrenched..
with ultimating yearnings to build
a house that actually is asking for more
twigs and sticks to maintain its
chattering standards..

then that must be why
distance seems greater
with each step you take
in the opposite direction.
^^^
I almost had tears..how sad this is..
yet what a corageous dreamer you are in deed..
to be able to face harsh reality ?
and realise that sometimes the wind
blows against the will of the ship.

As long as you have feet in your shoes;
jacey.
then you shall always be somewhere :)
where you DESERVE to be..
I love the poem..
a lot..
Can't see from where it came..but
I love it..
5/5

I'm with Nana on this one. This was truly heartbreaking; I love the emotions that were in this piece. They were true and they stab deep to the heart. As for the basic poem I loved it. The flow was really good and it kept throughout the entire poem. As for the structure if the poem, I liked it as well as it added to the flow and it kept the entire poem unified. The last thing I will mention is your word choice. I really like the wording as it shows a certain maturity and also shows creativity.

"if gravitation, my last hope,
can't keep a friendship
from falling apart,
then that must be why
distance seems greater
with each step you take
in the opposite direction."

This was my favorite stanza and it was a wonderful ending stanza as well. I really like this one because it shows such a desperate cry for your longing to be with this person. I could almost feel the pain and deep sadness you were feeling by your description of this want. I also think a lot of people could relate to this and so it makes the last stanza even stronger, having someone you really want.

In all I found this to be a very heart filled piece and I wouldn't change one thing with this poem as I found it to be very raw and also a good release of emotions. Great job and keep writing.

There was a time
when emotions were linked
with mutuality,
now gravity seems to be
the only thing
pulling you my way
^^^
I like the feel of this beginning. I think many people can relate to it.
It gives me the feel of the "love you but not in love with you"
Or when people become comfortable with each other and lose that emotional connection.

clashing with my invitation
of wanting to know you.
^^
Love these 2 lines !

if gravitation, my last hope,
can't keep a friendship
from falling apart,
then that must be why
distance seems greater
with each step you take
in the opposite direction.
^^^
In the beginning I thought more that you were talking about a lover.
But regardless I think the "love you but not in love with you " still stands.
A person can feel attached at a love level yet not in a "in love" level. I think.

The title is definitely very fitting and really drew me in. I chose this one first because of that. A great title - creates attention ... lol

Temps
This is such a heart breaking poem. It is so painful when we try to hold on to someone that just doesn't want to be held :( You di a wonderful job with your imagery.
Love Cindy