Just to be alone
by crystal brawley Dec 29, 2010
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Ill be coming home just to be alone,because i know your not there and i know you don't care.i can hardly wait just to leave this place,no matter how hard i try your never satisfied. |
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Latest Comments
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13 years ago
by TC
Crystal, I like this. It would make a compelling pop song. I suggest you start using punctuation. Some poets play games with punctuation, but in this poem, you just look lazy when you say "Ill" instead of "I'll" and "i" instead of "I". Also, pay more attention to the cadence and count your syllables. For instance, consider changing the second "your" (sic) to "you are" to get the tempo right. The last two lines need to go; saying you can't explain is a cheap cliché that looks like it was put there just for the convenience of the rhyme. Overall, a good start! I'd like to see the second draft.
-TC
