Undefined Time.

by Courageous Dreamer   Dec 31, 2010


There I was in youth
consuming time whilst
reading novels to
attentive ears -
a moment in bonding,
a memory,
a hobby.

there you were
gone fishin' -
casting that line,
as the trickling waters
accompanied you -
a moment of passion,
a memory,
a hobby.

there I was -
helping you cast that line
a time or two,
soaking in the joy of
your partial smile,
barely curling your lips
as you reeled each fish in.

there you were
struggling through the days
with odds piled heavenward -
yet you still managed to
find time to do
what you loved most.

there we were -
living in days no longer
promised,
yet we made the most
of them for time was
undefined.

those were the days...
now they are gone,
along with the person
I longed to share
these moments with -
but the memories will
and still remain
forever.

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I appreciate how you reiterate those memories and even from the beginning of your piece, you give more meaning to this hobby, it becomes a bonding moment of passion. Well-expressed and it touched me further because I could see this as being a grandfather or close relative, someone you are not just blood-related to but share a piece of your heart. The idea of "undefined time" is quite mysterious and sad, but you give that last hope that those collected memories can't be shut down. Beautiful.

  • 13 years ago

    by shashini

    I like the way you switch between I and YOU,,to tell the story.the format is excellent

  • 13 years ago

    by Cindy

    Temps
    This piece really touched my heart. There is so much love contained in your words along with very deep sadness.

    those were the days...
    now they are gone,
    along with the person
    I longed to share
    these moments with -
    but the memories will
    and still remain
    forever.

    How true your words are in your ending. it is so painful not to have the one we love to share our life with. The memories will remain forever. Sometimes they still aren't enough
    Excellent job!
    Love Cindy

  • 13 years ago

    by Jad

    I really liked this poem as it gave a good flashback of memories and also how it had a sad emotion intertwined into it. It seemed to come from the heart and if not you fooled me. It seems as if you speak of a friend or maybe an old relative whom you used to spend time with ever so often but one day they passed away or they went away. The poem is heart rending but I still think as long as there are memories we can enjoy what it gone, in our hearts. For the poem, the structure was good and I like the flow as it went from line to line without interruption, I believe.

    "there I was -
    helping you cast that line
    a time or two,
    soaking in the joy of
    your partial smile,
    barely curling your lips
    as you reeled each fish in. "

    This had to be my favorite line. It gave such a beautiful description of everything going on around you and also how you went and enjoyed something this person enjoyed. This part really made this poem joyful but throughout the next stanza and the last we see it all fall away and the sad truth finally sets in.

    I was really moved with this poem. As I have a relative I like to go fishing with whenever I see them and I would be torn to see them pass away or even leave, going elsewhere. Many emotions but I found them all really moving. Great job and keep writing.

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