Half-baked

by Melissa   Jan 5, 2011


I won't fume about
in old ways,
over a flame
too tight-lipped
to lick the occasion
with its prosy tongue

but if ever
you were to ignite,
and flicker about
in old ways;
I would come to your words,
as though I had never been burned
by their absence

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  • 13 years ago

    by The Queen

    A very artistic way of conveying those three words, that have the power to forge a possible continuation. :)

    I Love The Way You....Write. haha

  • 13 years ago

    by TC

    Melissa,

    I like this poem.

    At first, I didn't like the way you broke up the poem into short lines, but after reading the poem a couple of times I think you did it exactly right. Kudos.

    I don't see much value to the commas on lines 2 and 8. Also, I think the semicolon on line 10 should be a comma.

    I think you can do better with the title. It is clever, but it also has a self-deprecating implication which seems inappropriate.

    I'm curious about your choice of "fume". Are you describing a love/hate thing? You have a subtle moth to flame theme which would be reinforced if you replace fume/come with flutter/fly, but I get the sense that you deliberately went in a different direction with "fume". Maybe if I study the poem longer, I will understand it.

    All in all, a great poem.

    -TC

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    OMG you burn me with your work.
    I love this poem, personally I wouldn't change one thing..perfect ending..the twix in your poem was amazinglyyyy imprressive...

    I badly want to nominate this, but I have to wait for next week XD

    5/5

    Brilliant!

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