Comments : Demolished Tranquility

  • 13 years ago

    by TC

    Randy,

    Would you like comments on spelling and grammar? I can never be sure because so many people use intentional misspellings and mispunctuation in poems on this site. In any case, here goes:

    "Could of" is slang for "could have" or "could've". It is almost never written except in dialogue to mimic a dialect.

    "Demolishing all progress made to safe guard my affections." is not a sentence, but is punctuated like one.

    "Safeguard" is one word.

    "By such a simple comment, so sweet and out of place" is not a sentence, but is punctuated like one.

    "Shipwrecked" is one word.

    "What did you do to interrupt the calmness of my sea." is a question, but isn't punctuated like one.

    Commenting on the poem itself, the last stanza is the best.

    -TC

  • 13 years ago

    by Sylvia

    People can be cruel with the remarks they make to us, deliver them with a smile on their face while all the time they know the devastation their words will cause. To be on the receiving end it is like your world has exploded and you are left to pick up the pieces and ask why. Well done.

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    One of your best poems in my opinion. Write more like this :)
    My favorite would be the first stanza. Very well penned. Perhaps the most powerful part of the piece.
    Check this though:
    'In hearts or souls, that their "NOT" with.'
    their---they're
    Again, the capitalisation worked to a degree, but I don't get the quotation marks. The word (not) is already emphasised through capitalisation, so no need to enclose it with quotation mark.
    Overall, a lovely write, Randy. Keep it up
    -X