I remember that night,
So very clear.
Things are so different,
With you not here.
I miss you so much,
Why did you have to go?
I never even got to tell you,
I love you, more than you know.
I guess I didn't realize,
One day you'd have to leave.
The fact that your gone,
I just can't believe.
I remember looking at you,
Tears filled my eyes.
I didn't want to believe,
That you had gone up to the sky.
If only I had known,
You would leave my life so fast.
I would have spent every moment with you,
As if it was our last.
I remember waking up that morning,
My mom sitting in your chair.
She was crying her eyes out,
An you weren't there.
But at first I didn't know,
The reason for her tears.
I still remember it all,
Even though it's been many years.
They had taken you away,
In an ambulance.
Sitting in that waiting room,
Made everyone very tense.
All I could do was sit there,
We were told to wait.
I jut wanted to see you,
Before it was too late.
A few hours before you left,
I had touched your hand.
Hearing and seeing all those machines attached to you,
Was more than I could stand.
I remember the bruises,
On your delicate skin.
All the emotions I felt,
I don't even know where to begin.
I sat there for hours,
Talking to God in my head.
I kept asking him why,
It couldn't be me instead.
I mean; I was young,
And so much stronger.
Maybe if it would have been me,
I could have held on longer.
I kept wondering if you were hurting,
While you were asleep.
The pain in my heart for you that night,
Hit me very deep.
I was thinking you were just lost,
Somewhere inside your mind.
And when you wouldn't wake up,
That you didn't wanna leave that new place behind.
I kept screaming at you,
From inside my head.
"open your eyes!"
"you can't be dead!"
I wish you were here right now,
To see how much I've grown.
Every single day I regret,
My love for you; that I hadn't shown.
I hate that I used to get jealous of you,
I always thought you were taking away my Mommy's attention.
I wish I could tell you sorry,
And all the other things I didn't get to mention.
I miss spending time with you,
Watching you do crossword puzzles.
Coloring with you in coloring books,
And blowing lots of bubbles.
Because of the Alzheimer's,
You were like a little kid.
Which is probably why we had so much fun,
With everything we did.
But as I got older,
I started to drift away.
Started doing less things with you,
Slowly day by day.
School took up my days,
And friends took up my nights.
I stopped spending time with you,
Even though I knew it wasn't right.
Tears fill my eyes,
As I think about all the things your going to miss.
And with all the reasons why you should be here,
I could make a very long list.
I regret not spending more time with you,
Each and everyday.
Sometimes I still don't understand,
Why you had to go away.
I had never seen Annette cry,
Before that night.
Everyone was grieving,
It was such a painful sight.
When they said you were gone,
My heart dropped.
Everything felt frozen,
Almost as if time stopped.
Right before you died,
I saw Mistie fall apart.
Seeing you in that hospital bed,
Broke all of our hearts.
I wanted your eyes to open,
I wanted to feel your touch.
I wanted you to say something,
I missed your voice so much.
I tryed to hold my tears in,
I didn't want to cry.
Cuz I knew you were so much happier,
Way up in the sky.
I almost kept my tears in,
Until the very end.
When I saw that you were really gone,
My heart would never mend.
Nothing about me,
Will ever be the same.
A part of me changed when you left,
It used to hurt to even hear your name.
When we finally got the news,
That you had passed away.
We were standing around the hospital bed,
With nothing to say.
Silent remembrance,
Tears and broken hearts.
In all of our lives,
You were a very big part
