Sitting here alone in the dark
listening to the howling winds
like lonely moaning from the plains
can't hold back the silent tears
as my heart answers the mournful cries.
Another night hugging the blanket tight
and talking to an old stuffed bear,
I can't seem to fight the tears anymore
as I cry myself to sleep
wishing for something just out of reach.
The pressures, demands and stress,
the long road of years we've put behind us,
the daily living in the shadow of fears
and the thoughts of "what if",
quickly taking their toll by the angry words.
You tell me I'm your strength and shelter,
your steady safety of sureness in the storm,
but it feels like my mortar is breaking
and crumbling into the sea,
baby I'm not as strong as you.
Those words you said in anger
the last time that we fought,
it hurt so bad to have you throw me what I want
and tell you no as everything screamed at me
"don't be a fool, it's all you've ever asked for!"
Days later it still haunts me
how much my heart breaks to have said no,
but how could I make myself fully happy at last
when the cost was so very high?
My dream in exchange for knowing you're unhappy?
As I watch the minutes slowly drag by
as I try to sleep again tonight
I keep begging softly for the strength I don't have
to wake up and keep going, fighting,
helping hold this together for us.
As I look in the mirror
I see someone I don't quite know anymore,
am I the hopeless dreamer who never gave up
or has she disappeared in reality
to be replaced by the sarcastic weakness I see?
Torn between what I'd sell my soul to have
and thoughts that maybe I just need to accept,
I don't know what to do anymore,
keep waiting hoping any day now so I won't settle in
or get used to being here?
So very proud of every little step you take,
every tiny little achievement they said you wouldn't make
but the heart breaks silently over you doing it alone,
not even able to hold your hand
as you take those very first steps.
Feeling slightly lost in myself
as emotions threaten to drown me
I'm not sure of very much
other then you're my only hope and dream
and I love you more everyday.
