Preperations

I am taking my time

In sweet preparation

For my inevitable down fall

I am slowly treating myself to:

Songs of hurt and pain,

Throwing pillows on my floor,

So when I fall and he does not catch me,

My injuries will not be in vain.

I have been building up a fortress of protection in my mind,

So every time my heart shows hope,

I can shut it up with thoughts unkind.

I donnot allow myself to linger on thoughts of what could be,

Because if things could have been, it would of already happened.

Yet, this heart of mine prevents me from walking away,

So instead I settle for less, and prepare myself for the day he walks away.

I know what you are thinking,

Stupid girl,

..I tell that to my reflection everyday.

I deserve better, I shouldn't settle for less

...Do I?

Self doubt keeps me from moving forward,

Allowing myself to be controlled because I fear I am not good enough.

I know this, and yet, I do nothing to stop it.

And I hear his words that sound sincere,

Yet, knowing the truth, I allow him to think otherwise.

All because I feel I am not good enough.

So as I settle for less,

--Allowing him to lead me on with empty promises of Maybe's and someday's

I whisper the truth to my heart,

Which gives me strength to carry the burden,

Of the day he walks away.