Watch it End

Austi! this is amazing, with a very fresh new expressions and style..a very sad yet uplifting poem, because you penned it very well..
I found myself ..ok I will write a poem in a while..about your work and submit it..
this inspired me a lot..and I def. relate to it..

Darkness falling down,
tempting oblivion from within
locked in this nightmare
I lose myself again,
replaying
watch it end.
^^
not only could I see and visualize this..I could feel it too.
worded in a very professional way..sad sad!!

This sadness I've made of me
intoxicating, I overdose
on this pain inside,
^^^
this is heart breaking and sounds SO REAL..it takes a great talent to be able convince a reader and you def. do it very WELL

surviving and witnessing,
insomnia
watch it end.
^
umm either add a semicolon after insomnia or do something cause that was its trippy ..however
this is reallly strong..sensible and well said

Happiness finds no home,
hollowing out my life
^^^
omggg/....you brokeee me to pieces..
this is just outstanding..

breathing death into me
I contemplate my demise
as once more I
watch it end
^^^

perfect ending Austin..perfect piece..the title was really simply catch for me, and the repetition worked well ..

a poem that inspired me more than you think, but you will know in few mins how much..stay online for a bit :P

5/5

Austin
Nice job on this one. Very deep and sad emotions are crying from each verse.
Take care
*hugs
Cindy

'Darkness fading down,'
^Reading this I wonder why you chose the word 'fading', how can darkness fade? A little confusion here.

This is such a sad poem, powerful with emotions. The layout was great, I really think that helped a lot. It was consistent in each stanza. I thought you did rather well.

The first line of the poem made me think of a theater, when the lights are turned down and the show begins. This poem (show) took me into the depth of feelings and emotions of depression. It reads as if the central character is standing outside their body watching the depression overtake them, engulf them, watching their normal life end. In the second verse the character seems to accept responsibility for the sadness and pain filling their life, yet they still survive. However in the third verse, the character feels no happiness and again lets the depression rule, giving up on survival. Technically, the flow of the poem is good. I like the repetition of the title as the last line of each verse. There are a few places where a comma might be needed but that all depends on how each line is read. Overall you have done a good job with this write.