I saved her

by Black Heart Still Beating   Jan 30, 2011


(Written from a mans point of view)
______________________________________________
How I
Love her.
That nice
pretty face,
Those warm,
open eyes
That hole,
in her chest,
That pour out
blood with a
slow and steady
throb.
The red makes
her seem all
the more vivid
and alive.
Her face is
scared and pale,
as her life blood
spills onto the
white of the floor.
Such raw emotion
in her screams.
I sit and
watch,
with the smoldering
gun.
The smell of the
love in the air
is only slightly tainted
by the reek
of the smoke.
Her eyes plead
for help.
Her words scream
murder
Her blood whispers
to be free.
I'm sure she knows
that what I did was for her.
What I do
is always about her.
To end her torment,
to let her blood flow,
as it has told me
that is what it wants.
She falls silent,
So I walk away,
and let her alone,
to know I saved her.

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This was such a haunting write, but so cleverly expressed. My only suggestion would be to not have so many shaky line stanzas, you have only a few words at a time and with a poem of so great a structure, it weakens the piece. Try fuller stanzas, combining for effect if that is what you are aiming for.

    "Her worlds scream
    murder"

    Didn't you mean words here?

    "Her blood whispers
    to be free."

    - this is very dark, and this piece you have penned to me is seen quite uniquely. I have definitely heard of murderers and men who take women for prisoners because they 'love' them, but you bring such emotional aspects into it, from a shaken side. The thought of blood whispering freedom is amazing, striking and heart-wrenching.

    Good work, keep writing please!
    God's blessings.

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