Ah, ee, oo, I love this piece (: First of all I think this idea is wonderful - perhaps a simple idea, but I personally have never seen it done, and it represents the human mind in such a fantastic (and true!) light.

"floors of idled minds,"
Adored this phrase here: holds a lovely double meaning. The simplest notion being the one that our minds are still, even "silent," while our dreams build up and parade around within us. The other being the mirror image of a "dreamless" crowd - people who are overly grounded in their habits, their restrictions; people who no longer believe in dreaming, and will only sit by while watching others 'make the jump' so to speak. Dreamers tread on the neigh sayers.

You did a beautiful job keeping truth in the physical 'gymnastic' side of this piece: using words and that easily show the reader what's going on, while still keeping each thought process and metaphor in tact for each different facet of the mind/a dream.

Short, but truly thought provoking and wonderful! Love it!

Keep writing down the bones!

Not sure on the title as it's quite clumsy and undermines the content of the actual poem.

First of all, I'd say this is a unique and fresh concept for a poem, but I feel there's a reason for that. These kind of metaphors are hard to pull off because you've set your metaphor (the gymnasts) on the 'floors of idled minds', thus the metaphor isn't distracting enough to work, I feel. Since you're comparing thoughts to gymnasts, you kind of make it semi-obvious anyway, I feel you need to distance yourself from the actual subject.

It's not really much of a metaphor in some respects, more of an abstract simile.

'Dressed in leotards, dreams perform
artistic routines upon floors of idled minds'

I would advise changing these first two lines since 'dreams dressed in leotards' is too comic of an image to work here, unfortunately.

I think you could go one way and turn this into a full metaphor by using dancers and/or gymnasts and distract yourself from the abstract imagery, or build on what you have already, which isn't here nor there at the moment.

having said that, you're evolution as a poet is so noticeable so I'm only saying here, that you can push this a bit further out. Don't necessarily make it longer, just look at it. And think to yourself 'what isn't needed here?'

Dressed in leotards, dreams perform
artistic routines upon floors of idled minds,
testing flexibility of emotions with each leap;
while this rivalry of perfection twists (our) focus
(we) tumble into bittersweet confusion,
aspirations quickly lose their grip, non-symmetrical in shape;
balance is overthrown yet dismounted with beauty,
awakening conscience.

a very unique piece shall I say? dark one..a piece that needs more than one review to be understood..yet leaves the strong impact from the very 1st time..I dislike the idled word..however in the opening.

And the () are really not needed at all..i read it without them..same effect..they stand nonsensically there.

Nothing else seemed off, it's a very fresh piece.. also some seemed cliche such as "upon floors of"...but ones like these"aspirations quickly lose their grip, non-symmetrical in shape;"
stood out for me ...calling me NAAAANAAAAAAA REAd us again..and gah ya i loved these two

An impressive ending..a great ppiece if you polish it a little more..as Prince said

You are really getting better with your poetry day after day, and it is even more noticable when I read one of your new poem like this one. I like the metaphors your using and I think they give us a good idea of what you are trying to say though it might be a little too much for some. The word choice was really good and rightly should be with such a small piece. The flow went right along with the poem and also the imagery you use is vivid.

I would have to say in all I really like the poem and the concept and you really are improving as I said before with each passing poem. This poem really shows your talent and also creativity. Anyway before I babble on mindlessly I will end. Great job and keep writing. :]

Surely you have proved that you have the skill to play with words lately and with precise usage.

You're one of the very active and good writers that I've noticed lately.

Keep it up :)

Temps
Very unique and thought provoking piece. Great imagery and I love the way you turned the dreams into a gymnaists routine. You always amaze me with your word choices.
Great job!
Love Cindy