The Peak of Love

"Breathe me a thousand times,
as my fragrance delights your
space, for in a taut world like
yours, I will weep like the coolest
breeze."
^I took don't think the word 'fragrance' was all that effective, yet it does work with the message, could probably be changed to something different though...maybe. I like how this stanza starts out with such a positive mood and then towards the end of it the weep like the coolest breeze brings a sense of sadness - I loved the usage of 'taut' as well, it was something different!

Pierce me deep inside your skin
for I want to journey among the
very hasty beats of your heart,
respire my senses at the evolution
of each sundown, till I no longer
clash for my way home...
^Beautifully written...wanting to be apart of someone's life, to share certain moments with them everyday - I liked 'till I no longer clash for my way home' - This line was so strong to me and to me I interpreted it as, as you journey within this person's heart and life, they eventually become your home and you no longer have to look for your way 'home' because you are already there when you are a part of that person; it's where you feel more comfortable, etc.

Be the golden rays wearing my
feathers, for I no longer desire
waking up at the sleepy shores
like a winter's bird;
drawing love letters in the sand.
^This is so sweet and beautiful, no one wishes to wake up to sadness everyday, they want to be happy. Here you can feel that sense of need and hope as you wish to be with them even more than ever for you do not want to live like you have been. I loved the whole idea of the metaphor of a winter's bird, as they hibernate at this time - it makes much much sense. You did really well here.

So, breathe me in till these chained
melodies at the rear dusk of my laughter,
break free
^You may want to take out 'rear' here, it seemed awkward to me and plus isn't 'dusk' the end of the day? So you're kind of only being repetitive, but I really loved the usage of dusk here as you used sundown above, so kind of reiterating the idea but with a different word to put a different spin on your words.

This was rather well done really, I can't really pick a favorite line or stanza, everything was pretty solidly written. I could truly feel the longing in your voice.

I was a bit cynical at first because I usually find these kinds of love poems boring and trite but you've done well here.

'Breathe me a thousand times,
as my fragrance delights your
space, for in a taut world like
yours, I will weep like the coolest
breeze.'

'as my fragrance delights your space' is a nice image, though I'm not keen on 'fragrance' as it's really vague. My 'smell' my 'scent' are bland.
'Weep like the coolest breeze' is an example of nice, lush language but it's a bit incoherent. I want to like it but I can't!

Your second stanza is well penned, and I say that in the knowledge it's nothing I would particularly enjoy in a poem but stylistically speaking, it works.

Third stanza is the best and I don't have any suggestions; you've written into this poem quite well but it's a shame the best bits are the second half. That's usually a sign the poet has written into it. Understood the emotions they're trying to portray and doing it with clarity. Some excellent images here.

I'm going to nominate this because you've done well here. Well done. :)

I really enjoyed reading this. You are definitely a romantic, describing a love that is very passionate and all-consuming.

Nicely penned!

Wooww this poem is so beautifully written, well all your poems are!

I really love how the poem began... I must say I love the first line and stanza:

"Breathe me a thousand times,
as my fragrance delights your
space, for in a taut world like
yours, I will weep like the coolest
breeze."

And this is my other favorite stanza:

"Be the golden rays wearing my
feathers, for I no longer desire
waking up at the sleepy shores
like a winter's bird;
drawing love letters in the sand."

I loooovvveee ittt!! I love how you compare yourself to a bird and how you no longer desire to draw love letters in the sand... That part was just sooo sweeet! That makes me imagine a very adorable image.

And the title was very appropriate... "The Peak of Love" really does feel like what the poem is really about.

Amazing poem! And Congratulations my dear friend!! =D

Nana, I think this may be feelings from the past but maybe you are telling the truth and you just know the feeling of love and writing off that but either way this was a really deep write and I love how the emotions come off the poem and into the readers heart. You have such a gift at writing poems and putting your emotions into it so well and I get jealous every once in awhile by your awesomness! :] The poem itself was wonderful and it flowed very easily and it went from stanza to stanza with ease.

"Breathe me a thousand times,
as my fragrance delights your
verve ,for in a taut world like
yours, I will weep like the coolest
breeze."

This had to be my favorite stanza, it hit me hard and it works out really great as it is the first stanza and it really got my interest and it kept going in the other stanzas and I really was able to get into it. Your descriptions really take me away and the imagery is so real at times I can easily envision it and it seems as if I am taking part in it.

I want to make a separate little paragraph about the emotions I was able to draw out of this piece. I really got a longing in this piece and it hit me hard with all the love embedded in the lines. You are able to easily get these emotions across and it really can hit the reader hard and true to the heart.

All in all, I found this to be one of your better happier poems and I am really glad to see you stepping outside of your sad lines and crossing over into love. You are really growing as a poet and I can't wait to see how you improve with each poem and every passing year. So before I babble on forever I just wanted to say that you have once again touched me in such a incredible way again with your work. Great job and keep writing.