Temps, I loved the imagery here! The scene your words created in my mind was wonderful.

"doused in ripened citrus"
"doused in ripened fruits of fall,"
^Didn't really like the repetition in these two sentences. Sometime repeating words has a positive impact on a poem but in this case I feel like it did nothing for me.

"She wears her heart braided 'round her wrist"
What a great beginning! You just drew me in and I was excited!

I was kind of disappointed in the ending. I feel like you started off strong but kind of lost the punch towards the end. Just my thoughts.

Temps,

I liked this piece a lot. It was the most interesting of yours I have read in a while. The description is quite stunning, I feel as though your describing yourself here am I right? I liked the fact you gave a scent life, it's as though it was alive.

I didn't however like that you repeated 'jasmine petals' I feel as though that it was a great description the first time but having it repeated lost the feeling of the poem. I also didn't like that you repeated the 'doused in ripened' it felt as though it wasn't needed and in a way like you had ran out of that great description which I know you wouldn't of because you tend to always have these creative ideas. I just felt those lines took something away from the poem.

It was interesting your incorporated the seasons with scent, I like how this one scent reminds you of them all. It makes me want to go out and find a perfume just like this. I like how you placed things together, musk and winter, sweet and summer, it gives off a great effect.

Well done
a lovely poem.
-Mel

Hi Temps!

First I felt the title had that innocence and oath to summertime- like a child saluting to the season that has brought such warmth to a soul....some poets find it necessary or just to their liking to use longer or more complex wordings, but your simple use gives it a lovely taste.

"She wears her heart braided 'round her wrist;"

I have heard so many times, wears her heart on sleeve, but this gave much more vivid imagery, more like a country girl with ink carvings around her wrist of all her lovers' signatures, or something like that...just some great thought.

"a bohemian scent,"

Wonderful sense you are bringing out here, it just expels out. Strong use!

"a free spirit of exotic jasmine petals"

I don't know why I find these two words 'exotic jasmine' to be appealing, it just isn't romantic but more like you said, freer, a more clearer heart.

"doused in ripened citrus"

Lovely use of doused, it brought me other imagery of this word than rain or liquid....

"with a musk of broken dreams,"

I like the attraction that word has 'musk' and I love how you intervened it with this chain of shattered dreams, most unique and effective.

"yet it reminds her of all the seasons,
exotic jasmine petals of spring
doused in ripened fruits of fall,
all wrapped within a musky winter,
while she is that sweet waft of summertime."

I love how you take his sense and turn it into a sensation and greater meaning for her- I guess I didn't necessarily see how repeating 'exotic jasmine' added more strength, and I felt 'petals of spring' could have been stronger, however I do like how here in the end you tie the seasons together. 'musky winter' is greatly stunning, makes me linger more for it.

Last line- I like how you didn't just say "while she is living..breathing" or whatever verb, here you make the connection, she IS that summer waft...maybe you didn't have to use 'summertime' and 'sweet' again, for greater impact.

But what you have written was something that will be tucked away in my heart, it is something all of us can dream of and just take that unique and hold it. Great lines dear! Thank you for sharing...

Lots of love,
MaryAnne

I liked this Temps, how you made this persona into a magical being. The only thing that threw me off was that you used "doused"twice in such a short verse.

It is like an explosion of images and scents, written with so much enthusiasm..truly uplifting:)

Well done,

5/5 Ingrid

This is really a stunning piece of poetry you have written for us and I have to say that you are really growing as a poet with each piece you write. The imagery in this piece was stunning and I really like how you have a steady transition in this poem as it makes it more alive. The formatting is great and the poem flows smoothly from line to line which is great. The emotions in the poem were good as well and I found they had a certain depth to them.

I couldn't really find a line I really liked more then the others but I have to say you really blew me away with this poem as you tend to do in all your poems. There was one thing I didn't like but I think it will suffice anyway, was the use of jasmine petals twice. I thought it took away from the poem but you still did a great job with what you had.

All in all, you clearly have a good grasp at poetry even when it comes to topics such as this and this poem really shows your creativity and and also your vast imagery. I can easily picture things as I read through the poem. Anyway I just really think you are doing a wonderful job as a poet. Great job and keep writing.