I can't really say this was one of the better love poems I have read but I can say that you did a wonderful job at expressing your feelings for this person whom you love. You seemed to have a good flow with the lines and also the emotions in this piece come pouring out of every stanza. I wasn't a big liker of the repetition you used with those two stanzas but you did say this was a song so it might sound better if I heard it as a song.

Anyway, you did a good job with this poem. I hope that whoever this is for will be touched by it and be able to read the feelings you have in-graved into this poem. Great job and keep writing.

I found this one to be pretty refreshing, simple and romantic.

Great write

all the best and take care