I think you poured your heart..your beats..your tears and feelings..your emotions and thoughts..
your whole World into this Piece..
and you grew such a sad yet beautiful land.

I struggle to put my heart under arrest;
cuffed; restrained from loving you -
yet I always collapse under pressure,

^^
a very great opening with such new expressions!
I love the wording ..and the simplicity of your words.. BOTH

dangerous depths of tragedy where
stinging sensations shock each nerve within -
pain intolerable yet I still live;

^^
so much pain over here..the feeling of being fedup..of holding on no matter wat..amazing! just subtleeeee strength..WILD sadness

shedding chances, undeserved;
for it's all I have left to give.
^^
oh gosh worded in a very very smart way!!
I LOVE your style..i love the way ur emotions speaks so clear.

As much as I want to forget you
...I can't.

^^
this killed meeeeee..broke me to piece lol no not that much but gave me chills!
I love the ending..

as i said..sounds like you poured yourself here..someone who's mind says: MOVE ON..yet heart's says: NEVER..

--
I admire this courage :)
Be proud
5/5

This was absolutely amazing, I cannot even express what you did and the bold emotions that echoed your heartbeats. Your style has overridden anything I could ever hope to write or frankly read....you conclude with a heartbreaking end that many could keep in touch with their own life. What an admirable piece, keep it up Temps and I am nominating....Sounds like a battle going on here, God bless

You know, I thought I was really good at sad poetry until I read this. You have seemed to break down the wall that most poets have to get over- writing our emotions straight down and leaving our feelings completely vulnerable. This poem as the above commentors have said, really speaks your heart and I can feel your emotions pulsing into each line that you have written. The poem flowed really smoothly and I liked the message of the poem. So hard to try and forget someone when we can't stop thinking about them.

"As much as I want to forget you
...I can't. "

What a finish! I found this to be so true and I know many, many people can relate to this. We all have someone who really touched us but they don't care and so we just want to forget them but find it impossible to do so because of the impact this person had on our life. Amazing and I really thing this also summed up your feelings into one neatly ordered verse.

In all, I really think you are advancing as a poet. You seem to be able to write your heart out without cliched rhyming or structure or even texts and just are able to say how you feel.. I think that is a special gift. I wish I had it! So I just want you to know that this is a giant step in your poetry and this is one of the better poems I have read from you in awhile. Great job and keep writing. :]

I'm just going to jump right into it. :)

"I struggle to put my heart under arrest"
^Great opening line! It drew me in and I'm sure it did others as well. I can already sense the sadness that is going to be expressed because people usually want their heart to be free but you, right off the bat, want to tie it down from feeling what it does. Nicely said.

"yet I always collapse under pressure,"
^After that great opening, this was too simple for me. I know what you're capable of so this line sounded amateur to me. Fits well with the poem but could be so much better.

"stinging sensations shock each nerve within"
^Loved the alliteration and the sound the "s" made. Truly did sound like something stinging when read aloud.

"pain intolerable yet I still live"
^Perhaps a comma after intolerable?

"shedding chances, undeserved;"
^If I understood the meaning behind this line correctly, you're talking about giving chances that this person doesn't deserve, am I right? If so, then "shedding" isn't the right word to express this, in my opinion. The image I get from "shedding" is like a dog shedding fur. Maybe something along the lines of " bestowing" Its your take though.

When I first read this poem, I didn't think the ending held any power or even did anything for me in the poem itself. But after reading it a few more times, I loved the simplicity which was a contrast from the complexity expressed before. Great transition.

Well done Temps! I enjoyed reading it. :)

Five.

I liked this poem alot. Well writing, very meaningful and truely deep. 5/5

Temps,

I've read this poem several times and I love it! Sorry I haven't had the chance to comment sooner. I think this is one of the most emotive pieces you have written, simply because it has captured me.

The concept behind it is common, it's been done, but you did it in a different way, a creative way and that's why I adored about it. You played with words quite cleverly here, the alliteration was sweet on my tongue, especially in 'stinging sensations shock' I loved it.

The ending really grasped me and had me thinking about it for a while afterwards, I could relate to this on many levels, and again you bonded me with your words, It was simple, but it was my favorite part of the poem.

I adored this poem a lot and as I've said to you recently you are expanding as a writer, great work.
-Mel