Genetic Tears

Yaki,

loved this poem of yours, sometimes your ideas amaze me, you think ahead of our generation you really do, your mind is open while most is shut.

"of religion and morals
we speak,
yet
lies and money we preach."

This was true and it made me think, it's funny how people arn't always who they seem, they hide behind religon, and masks but true identity shines in the end.

I loved this concept, an amazing poem.

-Mel.

I sort of like the metaphor here of standing atop something so extreme in height like a mountain (Everest) to overlook what is below us. Also expressing that people have become so shallow these days, kind of losing their heart. I would take out 'the' before Everest, it sounds weird the way you have it!

"What is in store for generations to come?"
^Brilliant break in the action. BAM! Lots of thought here. It truly makes you wonder, will those that come after us be any different?

when fruits of our pleasure our
mistakes our love,
^I'm not sure if the second 'our' should be 'are' or 'or' ..?

of religion and morals
we speak,
yet
lies and money we preach.
^Perfect. I agree!

A really nice ending as well. You've got such a powerful message here!

First I would really like to say a sincere thank you Yaki, for commenting on my poem, it was great to hear your thoughts and to see you are a member of this club I newly joined! Thanks :)

I have to agree with Bliss- the title was highly intriguing- good job!

This sparked some deep contemplations and speaks deeply about downfalls that are inhabiting the human race- whether we like to talk about it or not. I really liked your lay out, I thought it conveyed lines strong enough to stand on their own and give some rhetorical meaning.

Wonderfully written, God bless you always!

The title really caught my eye and made me want to read.

"so proud was I,
to have climbed so high
only to find
that we are all so low."
^Loved this stanza! It was simple but packed with meaning.

"a little to many"
^I think you mean "too" not "to"

"when fruits of our pleasure,our
mistakes,our love."
^Are the no spaces between the commas intentional? I think it would flow better with the spaces.

"are home alone being touched"
^I think you mean "our" ?

"drawing tattoos of
sorrow upon their innocent souls."
^Very powerful!

Loved the ending! There were moments throughout the poem where things seemed forced and out of place but I love how you tied it in with the repetition in the ending. It is something I'm sure many of us can relate with but is hard to talk about.

Nicely done!