A page of the rain

by Poet on the Piano   Feb 20, 2011


Sky ribbons do not document my sorrow,
nor do they execute the careful planning
of my naivete veins.

I watch as the nightly liquid of sunshine
composes lengthy piano keys
for me to carry into the desert's wind.

The sharps and flats mimic my heartbeat
as I give them silent notations
from a verbose perspective.

Yet the heavenly ocean has trained me
to sing not with my mouth,
but with the chambers where my
purpose lies in wait.

3


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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Cindy

    Congrats on your win :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Kiko

    This is a beautiful piece, full of colorful metaphors and depth of meaning. The beginning is very nice and the ending is extraordinary. I also love the line, "the sharps and flats mimic my heartbeat."

    One piece of advice: Try to stay within yourself when you write. In other words, don't try to use words that you aren't totally comfortable with. I'm not crazy of your use of "naivete" and "verbose." They seem out of place in this poem.

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Okay back to your piece!! What can I say ? this is an ABSOLUTE ORIGINALITY!

    EXTREMELY inspiring..
    A poem that's written with amazing expression, with an imagination of high quality, well structured, well penned, you closed it from ALL sides.

    you concentrated on the opening as much as the body and as the closing stanzas all FAIRLY, even I fail to do this knowing how much I write. I admire this talent that I APOLOGIZE not coming across it before!

    Brit. showed me your poem, and I admit if you keep writing with this style and this way..with this talent you will hit somewhere in the world of fame, because your literal world of poetry is seriously like a fresh air and nothing that we always read ..

    title ? Amazing.

    ---

    Sky ribbons

    ^^
    very original!

    do not document my sorrow,

    (very creative..)

    nor do they execute the careful planning
    of my naivete veins.
    ( you are right now added to my favorites..my god..amazing wording)

    I watch as the nightly liquid of sunshine
    composes lengthy piano keys
    for me to carry into the desert's wind.

    ^^^
    AMAZINGGGGGGGG REALLY REALY this part
    took my breaths away, and if you care for a suggestion..would be better to say something else rather than liquid..like not really fitting..but
    iin all cases..a very strong stanza.
    Well done!

    The sharps and flats mimic my heartbeat
    as I give them silent notations
    from a verbose perspective.

    ^^THIS just ...omg I want to express myself..and your words made me speechless and took all that I have to say!!

    The closing stanza was something else, as my britzy said, it was just fantastically written..
    amazingly..umm what can I say ?
    please smile smile..cause you deserve..this poem..better win the weekly contest..or I may kill the JUDgESSSSSSSSSS 5.5

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Oh god..this is amazing..I will comment in few hours..cause i am doing a research but this is fantastic..I am out of votes, but wil feature your poem in my club, so the members nominate it..if they agreed on how awesome this poem is..

    brb for u :P 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Blissful

    This was absolutely breathtaking! Nothing left to say but that I loved every word of it.

    Five plus nomination :)