Awaiting His Return

The moment you spoke those words,
My heart began to fall apart,
Knowing that you will be miles away,
Never getting to kiss my sweetheart.

I cannot bare to let you go,
Even though I know you must,
I can only hold onto a sweet love,
That I feel I can trust.

Each day I shall be thinking,
Of the times we have shared until now,
Awaiting your return in hopes,
That you are safe somehow.

Eager to be within your arms,
To feel the strength of your hold,
Wishing that I could rescue you,
From life's miserable icy cold.

I notice there are some issues with the flow of the piece that you could probably fix easily.

The moment you spoke those words,
My heart began to fall apart,
Knowing that you will be miles away,
Never getting to kiss my sweetheart. (I think sweetheart is a hard word to use here. To make it flow best youd need to replace it with a one syllable word but I have no clue what you'd use :p)

I cannot bare to let you go,
Even though I know you must,
I can only hold onto a sweet love,
That I feel I can trust. (needs one more syllable. The stress falls on 'feel')

Each day I shall be thinking,
Of the times we(we've) have shared until (til' ?) now,
Awaiting your return in hopes,
That you are safe somehow.

Eager to be within your arms,
To feel the strength of your hold,
Wishing that I could rescue you,
From life's miserable icy cold. (Miserable is a bit clunky next to the rest of the stanza that flows well. Maybe a different word might flow better)

However, I am just saying that it would flow easier. Doesn't necessarily mean better :p Its a great poem already

The moment you spoke those words,
My heart began to fall apart,
Knowing that you will be miles away,
Never getting to kiss my sweetheart.

I cannot bare to let you go,
Even though I know you must,
I can only hold onto a sweet love,
That I feel I can trust.

Each day I shall be thinking,
Of the times we have shared until now,
Awaiting your return in hopes,
That you are safe somehow.

Eager to be within your arms,
To feel the strength of your hold,
Wishing that I could rescue you,
From life's miserable icy cold.

I notice there are some issues with the flow of the piece that you could probably fix easily.

The moment you spoke those words,
My heart began to fall apart,
Knowing that you will be miles away,
Never getting to kiss my sweetheart. (I think sweetheart is a hard word to use here. To make it flow best youd need to replace it with a one syllable word but I have no clue what you'd use :p)

I cannot bare to let you go,
Even though I know you must,
I can only hold onto a sweet love,
That I feel I can trust. (needs one more syllable. The stress falls on 'feel')

Each day I shall be thinking,
Of the times we(we've) have shared until (til' ?) now,
Awaiting your return in hopes,
That you are safe somehow.

Eager to be within your arms,
To feel the strength of your hold,
Wishing that I could rescue you,
From life's miserable icy cold. (Miserable is a bit clunky next to the rest of the stanza that flows well. Maybe a different word might flow better)

However, I am just saying that it would flow easier. Doesn't necessarily mean better :p Its a great poem already