Tangible.

I would have to say, that I really loved this poem. your imagery in this piece was astounding but considering the poem you were trying to rewrite I think it was needed and you did deliver! I could easily picture everything in the poem and I was able to read through it so easily without stopping which made me love the poem for one its flow and two its simplicity of words that one can understand. I'm also with Britt that your poem was so elequently written, making it seem so perfect. :]

I don't think I can chose a favorite part as the entire poem really is one stanza and I didn't find a line that just like totally took my breath away. You were creative, no doubt, but there wasn't one part where I could actually fall out from the words.

Anyway, you have done really great job with pouring your emotions out and also your vividness in this piece is stunning to say the least. Creative ideas and your skills were really pushed in this poem and I am really glad to see this wonderful outcome. Great job and keep writing!

Temps...this was wonderful!

I loved the format and your word choice. You descriptions were spot-on and sent my mind on a journey.

"'neath counterfeit metaphors "
^I don't think I've ever seen this written in any other poem before...I loved it! Has to be one of my favorite lines in a poem, ever!

Although this poem is one of my favorites from you, I didn't like the ending.

"I love you the way you are."

Cliched and didn't add anything to me for the poem. Everything was expressed so eloquently up until that point and then just became average after reading that line. Perhaps you have a purpose for it but I didn't sense it. Its up to you how you want to keep your poem but without that line it would be 100 times better for me.

Five :)

Temps,

I liked this a lot, You took an archaic poem and put a modern spin on it. You gave it your own breath of fresh air so to say. I actually read this when I was posting my version to Britt, and I said to her, WAIT, did I do this right? lol my poem seems archaic compared to the other poem posted!

The idea of the yellow jacket is sweet, I like that as a metaphor for a bee. It's different, like nothing i've ever read before.

This was an interesting take on the poem and not what I would have imagined a re-write being like but I think you grasped the concept quite well, just in a different manner.

Well done, another awesome poem.

-Mel.