Awsome!

Thanks!

I feel this piece could be so much more. Obviously, the emotion is there, but I feel that perhaps the rhythm and wording needs a little more work. There's just a few lines which I thought were too long, which hindered the flow.

Also, with a lot of your lines, it felt like the line wasn't finished, like you were stopping where you were stopping simply just to make the rhyme. By all means rhyme, but the trick is to make it seem effortless.

Brad

P.S. Please comment and vote HONESTLY on every poem you read.