I liked your words and the thing you were writing, and to listen to it spoken, it would probably be great, but to be read, I think it needs work. Reading it, the flow and stucture seems messy.

I could see what you was going for, believe me. And it was cleverly written, with lines like 'comin up short like stubble'.

Brad

P.S. Please comment and vote HONESTLY on every piece you read